Surrender

Surrender. It’s something we all have so much trouble with. We have so many fears, anxieties, mental hooks, that keep us tethered to suffering. And it doesn’t have to be suffering on a grand scale — it’s the pain of simply making mundane decisions every day with your mind, of not knowing what to do, of worrying for our survival. Thinking, thinking, thinking.

I “gave up” on May 16th this year. I have the date written in my journal, the memory still fresh of me sitting on my floor in tears and choosing to just let it all go. I felt it in my body; I felt my personality unlatch her hooks. I let go of every idea of what my life should look like, who I should be, what I should do. It pushed me up against the edge of the cliff; I looked out into the darkness, and I decided that I was going to leap into the void.  

The only thing I had was Strategy and Authority. The only thing that I was going to rely upon anymore was those two words. I knew I had reached the precipice of something big. I had never gotten to this place before through any other modality or system I’ve tried. There was always something more to do, more pressure, more ways I had to manipulate myself into something I’m not.

Human design is about “non-doing”. There is nothing “to do” in a sense. We have been conditioned into “doing” when there was nothing to be done, the initiating, the chasing after dreams you were told you must want. Never were we given the chance to be ourselves. To exist without clambering for survival. To be free of the fears of our minds.

The not-self mind thrives on fear. It tells us we must do this, we must do that, because if we don’t, our survival will be threatened. It crafts plans and schemes on the premise of alleviating these fears, only to find they don’t go away once we execute our mental strategies. There is always another mental hang up to replace it. There is always something else.

The moment of letting go I realised I was beyond comparison. That there is nobody alive on this planet that I can model my life off, that I can look to for advice on how to live mine. I am the only example of me. I am a unique personality crystal of consciousness, the eternal which has always existed. How could I possibly measure that against a societal ideal? A collective, homogenised, conditioned way of being anyway?

It is amazing to see how all the mental garbage just melts away. All the time I spent in self-development spaces, trying to “reprogram” this, the attempts to get rid of this anxiety or that mental insecurity. It just all goes away when you surrender. There’s no need to “find” yourself. You’re already here! Breathing, living, existing in form. You are it. You don’t have to “figure out” anything about yourself. If you want to know who you are, honour your S&A and you will find out. It’s the only way.

And it will dawn on you how much the world depends on you never finding surrender, on never giving up mental control. They want to keep you running, running, running, on the hamster wheel until the end of time. Profit monsters. But they will never tell you that you can just step off. You don’t have to keep going. You really can just choose to let it all go. You really can just surrender to what life is and where life will take you along your own line of geometry.

Things happen; life happens. It is a movement, a flow down a river through time and space. The mundane becomes mystical. The presence you can attain in being right here in this very moment. The surprise and delight at who happens be there. The hope to pain cycle of being emotionally defined. It’s all beautiful; I wouldn’t interfere with any of it.

The decisions that you need to make will practically arrive at your feet. You don’t have to “look” for what you need to do next. Each step reveals itself, finding its way to you. You can never see down the end of the road. But you don’t need to. It’s what makes life exciting.

Until you reach that point of surrender, until you have the courage to potentially let go of everything in your life, to be okay with whatever happens and where you’re taken, there is always going to be mental suffering. Spiritual masters have told us from the beginning of time to “just let go, just surrender, let go of the mind”. But they never gave us the tools, they never told us how.

Now we have them. Now we have the only “strategy” we will ever need to follow again. It’s there for you; awareness is everybody’s birth right. You will be supported. You just wait and see.