Environmental Resistance
From the minute I was born into this city I was trying to leave. It never felt like home. I travelled from the earliest I could, sometimes for weeks or months at a time, and it never occurred to me that I should “miss” home. In fact, it was very easy to completely forget I had a life there at all.
I used to think it was just my third line way of escaping, that maybe I was just running away from my problems, running away from an identity I could somehow remake when I was in a country where nobody knew me.
But I also knew deep down, this was not my place. I knew I was not in my environment. I knew I was not with the right people. I knew that everything feels harder in this city, not because of who I am as a person, but because it’s the physical resistance of being in the incorrect environment.
It does not matter that life may seem “okay” on the outside - I could have a good job, a nice circle of friends, an okay social life, but that doesn’t make it correct for me. We are here to have very specific experiences with very specific people; we are not here to have it all. And frankly, I no longer wish to have it all.
For the mind, there is always a sense of “fomo” and of missing out. Yet, from the lens of human design, we understand there is no such thing. Your experiences are unique; there is no comparison, there is nothing else for you than what comes through the serendipity of strategy and authority.
The crux of human design is built on being in the right place, on being moved towards your correct environment through S&A and the agency of the magnetic monopole. This knowledge is about movement. It is about allowing the vehicle to direct the life which intrinsically already knows where it’s supposed to be.
This is obviously of vast importance to the undefined G and the Reflector. But if you put anybody in the wrong environment, it will have detrimental effects. The nine-centred understanding of health recognises it's resistance which kills us, resistance that comes from going against your design, eating incorrectly, and being in the wrong environment. Furthermore, you cannot live out the purpose of your incarnation without physically meeting the correct forces on your fractal. It’s not going to happen.
The nodes represent the life itself. It’s all good to have a personality crystal and a design crystal, but are you in the right environment? Are the right people populating your environment? Are you looking at the right things? Because everything about the potential of your outer authority is dependent on what you are looking at and who you're going to meet, which can be only be established when you are positioned in the right place.
And it takes time to get there. We have all led conditioned lives and are still living with the consequences of decisions made from the result of the not-self. It is a tired cliche that many people wake up in the middle of their lives with the horror of realising where they are and who they are with - decisions which always come back to place. The only way to get the correct life for you is to radically navigate the illusion as yourself, which can only ever result from honouring the mechanics of your design (S&A).
In our vanity as a species, we think just because we can conquer and live in any environment we theoretically “choose”, we should be able to thrive there. And that’s a lie. The differentiated being cannot thrive in just any environment; one resonates to a specific quality of place which nourishes the unique life.
If my mind could choose anywhere to live in the world it would be New York City. I would have my Carrie Bradshaw moment and be a writer and live in some overpriced loft in Brooklyn smoking cigarettes and writing from my balcony. And in many ways, the sacrifice of living my design has been giving up on all the dreams and fantasies I thought were for me, including the places I thought I was meant to be.
(If the invitation arose to live in NYC and I validate it as a yes through my inner authority - then sure, this is something that could happen for me. But it would not come as a result of some mental fantasy of living there or initiating a move that ignores the direction life is moving me towards.)
The irony is I’m designed to be a landscape person, that being around dense hardscape environments with many auras is not healthy for my body. The further I go into my own experiment, the more I have verified this, that the idea I always had of myself being a “city girl” may just be a mental identity. Giving authority over to my vehicle has meant I had to surrender to where it's taking me, which may not be where my mind likes, nor environments I ever thought were for me, certainly with people that continue to surprise me.
I have long ago given up on trying to understand what is happening to me. I don’t know why I am moving towards certain environments and away from others. I don’t know why some people leave my life and others continue to stay. I don’t have a plan. I don’t even know where I am going to live by next year. But I can trust moment by moment that I am being moved closer to my environment, through every correct decision I make according to my strategy and authority. And really, all I have to see is the next decision in front of me; nothing more. Anything beyond that lies in the realm of imagination.