On Change

Change is hard to observe as it happens because it’s happening all the time. Even when time feels like it’s no longer moving, even when it seems like the days blur into each other with no distinction between yesterday and today, still, there is movement. Therefore, there is change.

I often wonder how all of this happened to me. How did I get here, when it was never really my conscious decision to begin this journey in the first place? How did human design take hold of me, managing to shake off all the seven-centred systems I was also consumed by? How did I experience a shattering? What was the trigger?

It could’ve been many things. It could’ve been an accumulation of experiences which led me to that point. It could’ve been “destiny”, aka I was on a line of geometry that was designed to take me to this place.

But it could also be that there was no reason at all. That these questions are not something I will ever know, I can’t know, and that my open head could ponder them until the end of time with no avail or answer to my doubts.

We don’t know why we find human design other than we just did. We don't know why for some people they get it and for others, they don’t.

We don’t know why it was us and not our sister, our best friend, our partner, our neighbour down the road. The only real indicator that you may have a chance is that you’re odd. And you’re perhaps somewhat intelligent. But maybe not too intelligent, as you need to be able to step outside of the identification with your mind for at least half a second to grasp this.  

Such is the nature of mutation. Mutation simply means change. It happens unpredictably. It happens in a pulse. It happens in a moment where you suddenly go from not knowing to knowing. But the jump between the two cannot be explained.

I think for many people in this process, there is a moment of waking up one day and realising this is now your life. That the way you perceive yourself and the world around you has drastically changed. That awareness has crept in, bit by bit, and has slowly been transforming you. You could never have stopped it even if there were such thing as choice. You were caught on the fractal, so now you are helplessly moving along with the river.

The passenger has absolutely no idea what’s happening to it. For this reason, it needs to be educated. Only through education is there a chance that it will be shattered. It has to see its folly. It has to see how blind it was when it was making decisions for you and running your life.

You must keep peeling it back, these ugly layers of the not-self onion you have developed over a lifetime of conditioning. You have to keep reminding the passenger they have nothing to do but sit there in the backseat. Deconditioning, which for most people means waiting, is one of the most transformative experiences you will ever have. It goes against everything that the world tells us, an act of defiance in itself.

But during, the mind does not stop. Even as my body is deeply relaxed in waiting, my mind keeps yelling at me to “do” something, that maybe there is a sneaky way I can still manifest, that I really don’t have to be so radical because that’s “too extreme”. I think for the first time, I truly am witnessing the incredible dichotomy between my personality and design, that they want completely different things and they have absolutely nothing to do with each other.

By entering into the experiment and honouring your strategy and authority, you are changing the form. It is by changing the form that you change the experience of the personality. Awareness is a by-product of leading with the form. It is what happens to you the longer you are surrendered to form principle. It is not something you choose to happen. It does or it doesn’t. It may come in one cataclysmic event, or it may come in stages.

If I look back a year ago, I am reminded of how much can change in just twelve months. That even though so much of last year felt painfully slow, and on the outside, it looked like nothing was happening, I was changing with every breath I took. It was only a matter of my personality catching up to it, my body always integrating one step ahead.

If it is a law that we are simply objects moving through space, then it is a law that change will happen on its own accord. It is this movement through life which defines who we are. And it is the serendipity of chance that we are awake to see it.