The Indirect Diaries ep.2
I want to preface this series with emphasising the fact: this is my own individual experiment. Everyone’s body is different and unique. What works for me may not work for you. What I have found to be true in my experience might not be true you. Talking about food and dietary habits is always a touchy subject. If you have a history of eating disorders or other body dysmorphia issues, I advise to not read this series. I am not a doctor; nothing I share has scientific evidence or backing. It is purely anecdotal.
I also want to say — my experience with indirect light determination is constantly changing. It seems that as soon as I *think* I’ve figured it out, something else comes right around the corner that changes everything! Treat each piece in this series as a diary entry in real time of what I have discovered during a specific phase of my experiment. These phases and cycles will naturally flux over time.
Previous articles in series:
ep.1 - 2nd October, 2021.
ep.2 - 29th September, 2022.
ep.3 - 16th May, 2023.
It’s been nearly an entire year since I wrote my first instalment of the Indirect Diaries. And it is has probably taken me the entirety of the past year to have any major breakthroughs in my PHS experiment. Fittingly, I woke up in the middle of the night to write this (it’s 1am), even though these insights have been percolating for weeks.
A few weeks back, I was voice noting with my friend Esther when some potent revelations were pulled out of me in relation to being indirect.
When I first found out I was indirect, I honestly didn’t think it was right. All the descriptions of being a “nocturnal” person did not resonate. I was always a breakfast person. I enjoyed early mornings. I liked going to the beach and being in the sun, which is probably largely conditioned by the fact I live in Australia; needless to say, my fair and freckled skin has never agreed.
But I was able to recall through my voice noting, specific moments of conditioning I experienced growing up which pulled me away from being Indirect (6th colour) and into the transference of Thirst (3rd colour).
One of the most prominent examples is a time I was on a family holiday at Uluru (that big rock in the centre of Australia). It was the middle of January and 45 degrees celsius during the day. I remember spending a day at the Olgas and we were walking/hiking around the national park area. I was about 11 or 12 years old.
Part way through, I get heat stroke. I was fatigued and could barely walk; I had to be carried the rest of the way back to the car. I was told I was too dehydrated, and I needed to drink more water and liquids to avoid getting into that exhausted state again.
But the problem wasn’t I was drinking enough liquids. The real problem was I was out in the direct light in the middle of the day.
Liquids is associated with Thirst, the transference of Light. According to PHS theory, those who have 6th colour are here to be slightly dehydrated. Drinking too much liquid can lead to water retention, being “puffier” and carrying extra weight for those with Light/Indirect determination.
*Disclaimer: Obviously, we need to drink water and liquids to survive. I am sharing from my own experiment and what I’ve discovered works for me. Your experience might be different. Please consult a doctor if you have existing health problems and are wanting to make changes to your diet.
You would never think to give someone advice to drink less water. We are always being chastised we don’t drink enough. And yet, this is still homogenised advice! Not everyone needs to drink a lot of water. Everyone has a different body and therefore different needs.
To rehash what determination means: it is a genetic predisposition to form differentiation.
When we follow our determination, it feeds the parts of us which are different. When we operate out of transference/the not-self, we feed the parts of us which are homogenised. We store conditioning in our form, aka the body itself.
Why would it be beneficial to have a differentiated form? Foremost, it contributes to wellbeing and your immunity. If everybody is fed the same food at the same time with the same conditions and circumstances, the body is going to be conditioned to operate in a similar way to everybody else, despite the fact, it may not be healthy for you.
When you feed the differentiation within your body, it is going to deal with the world differently. It is going to deal with illness differently to the average person because you have a differentiated internal system at work. This is an advantage to have, especially in the times of global pandemics.
I have been experimenting with taking in less liquids into my body. What I’ve noticed is less bloating, less indigestion, and more mental clarity. I used to be that person who chugged a litre of water as soon as I woke up, and honestly, it always left me feeling slightly sick. Now, I tend to sip my water during the day and rehydrate mostly at night, which seems to be working well so far.
The other major change in my experiment has been fasting completely during the day. I had realised, once talking to Esther, that my body had been leaning into it the last several months and my mind had been resisting. My mind was freaking the fuck out when I wasn’t getting hungry at all during the day, especially during my travel to the States in July/August (during Summer). It would get to a point where I would force myself to eat in the afternoon, “because I should” or because I was in family situations where there was strong conditioning to eat together, despite my body not being hungry at all.
Our bodies are always communicating to us what they are craving and what they need. And yet, you need to be sensitised enough to hear the messages and listen. This is what the process of Strategy and Authority does. I repeat: following your PHS/Determination doesn’t do squat if you are not genuinely experimenting with S&A. This is always the first step to aligning the body.
The next day after my conversation with Esther – so much had clicked within me – I leaned into fasting. I was basically doing a mini-Ramadan, eating before the sun came up, not taking in anything during daylight, and eating again when the sun went down. And what scared me the most was I felt amazing.
It was the first time I genuinely went all in to being Indirect. I did not expect to feel that good; I thought I was going to feel shaky, tired, dizzy, what I’ve experienced before when going a long time without food. Instead, I had the most insane mental clarity ever; I felt the most grounded and stable in my body than I have in a long time.
It scared me so much, that after a few days I was eating again during the day in small amounts, almost to slow down the deconditioning process. It’s funny being a hypochondriac (open spleen here) – I am genuinely afraid of both getting sick, but also feeling really good. Because it did not feel normal. It felt weird. My mind kept screaming at me “this isn’t right this isn’t right”, yet my body felt great.
(*I wrote this a few weeks ago and want to clarify, everyday is different for me right now - sometimes, I don’t get hungry at all until nightfall. Other days, I do feel the need to eat something during the day. It’s not about making it some mental trip or rule you rigidly abide by - always, always, listen to your body/authority. It will intuit what it needs.)
Cognition has also been such an important key in discerning what to eat - I have to see my meals first through inner vision, before I can properly digest it. If I don’t have an inner vision of what to eat and just choose whatever, my body doesn’t seem to digest it as well.
Of course, it’s a catch 22: following your determination is what strengthens your cognition. I have noticed when I am aligned with being indirect, I feel less pressure to focus as a receptive being and feel more in flow. Cognition ultimately feeds your inner authority; I have noticed there is less resistance to surrendering to my S&A. My mind doesn’t feel as loud, and even when it is, my body is calm and doesn’t immediately act on whatever crap my mind is telling me.
If following your determination strengthens your design and “vehicle”, then doing so will impact on your potential for awareness because it is conditioned by the form. It always come back to the body; if you take care of your body first, the passenger is more inclined to relax. It opens up new layers of seeing when the body is properly cared for and nourished according to its uniqueness.
I realise it has only been a few weeks deep into this part of the experiment. So only time will tell how I will continue to feel. But it does feel like a major turning point for me. And it never happened because my mind wanted it to; it was a process of my mind having to get out of the way and stop interfering with what my body wanted.
I’ll see you next year for my next PHS update. I joke, but also, it may take another year to integrate everything I’ve just downloaded around my own experiment. I honestly don’t even know what’s happening anymore; it’s probably the best place to be in.