The Tribe: to Support (or not)
When it comes to Tribal circuitry in the body graph, we see a keynote and theme of “support”. However, what must be emphasized is that support isn’t a given. The Tribe supports, or not.
When one takes away their support from others because it isn’t correct for them, it can be met with a strong reaction of anger — “how dare you be a bad friend/daughter/lover”. On the contrary, those with Tribal definition can be distorted when they give support with expectation — “I did all this for you, I showed up for you, why can’t you do the same for me”.
Support isn’t given freely. It’s given based on a bargain of reciprocity. It is sticky. It is uncomfortable. The people in one’s life must provide some kind of value to the other, whether overt or intangible. The needs, principles, and bargains can fluctuate along the emotional wave, which is why one must wait for clarity. What may seem totally reasonable on a high is completely unacceptable at a low. It also means that both the principles and the bargain are never fixed but can change over time as a relationship evolves.
(i am speaking to my experience as an emotionally defined Tribal being. those who are Tribal and unemotional — e.g. splenic — can have awareness of their needs and “the bargain” in the moment. however, it may only be correct for that moment in time.)
Deconditioning as a Tribal being can mean becoming more selective about who you support. It might mean realising you only have the capacity to support less than a handful of people. To receive the benefits of support, you have to be accepted first as family, friend, or part of one’s inner circle (tribe). If you don’t meet the rules of the Tribe, you have no access to these benefits.
This is why it’s so important for the Tribal being to honour their authority in what and who is correct to show up for. Support will then be given because it is correct for them to do so; it will not come laden with demands and guilt. It will be given because it feels good to support those we love when the conditions and circumstances are correct.
The people who are right for me in my life, I have an enormous amount of energy to give support. Does that mean I give it all the time? No. Does that mean I can constantly be your therapist? No. Does it mean I will show up for you in times of need and crisis? Yes. I don’t need to chit-chat every day — we may go long stretches of time without talking or seeing each other. But when it comes to true matters of tangible need (physical and emotional), even if we haven't spoken in months (or years), if we have a Tribal bond and you call on me, I will be there.
*caveat — if it’s correct for me too.