WTF is an Invitation?
Ah, the invitation. The quintessential question of all Projectors when they first discover their strategy in Human Design.
What the fuck is an invitation? If you ask a dozen people, you will recive a dozen different answers.
“It has to be formal, direct, and explicit.”
“It’s energetic — you can sense when there is a mutual invitation between two parties.”
“Once you’re invited into something, that’s it. You don’t need another invitation once you've entered into something correctly.”
“Projectors shouldn’t do anything unless they’ve been invited. They need to constantly be invited even within established relationship dynamics.”
“Projectors need to put themselves out there so they can be seen and receive invitations.”
Honestly, I think there are seeds of truth in all of the above statements. I also don’t think one of them is the holy-grail-absolute of what an invitation is.
First and foremost, this is an experiment. Debating on online forums all day about what a “real” invitation looks like is a waste of your time and energy. It only creates more mentally imposed ideas of what you *think* an invitation should look like. These beliefs can be so deeply ingrained that it distorts your ability see for yourself what an invitation means for you.
I am someone who tends to fall into extremes. I have been on both sides of the pendulum — of being so strict and rigid about the formality of an invitation, and on the other end, my mind fooling myself into thinking something was an invitation when it wasn’t. Neither extreme really works for me. But the experience of trying them out has provided valuable intel.
The “Formal” Invitation
I think the strict dogma of the “formal” invitation does hold validity. For many of us, we have spent our entire lives initiating constantly, pushing to make things happen, yet only meeting resistance from our environment and the people around us.
Sometimes, in order to train the mind to recognise genuine recognition and invitations, it needs to radically adhere to a rule to discern what is real versus the mind. I find this is helpful in the beginning of one’s experiment, to see what happens when you abruptly stop initiating anything at all.
In this context, the “formal” invitation is direct, explicit, and acoustic — i.e, written out (like in a text) or verbally said. It also is coupled with true recognition of who you are — it isn’t vague, but specific to you.
During this phase of my experiment, I stopped initiating:
coffee dates with friends
meetings or group catch-ups
job searches
conversations with strangers (and friends!)
business ideas/collaborative projects
new friendships/relationships
Throughout this part of my process where I was very radical about the invitation (about 2 years), many relationships began to fall away as I stopped initiating contact first. However, this was very useful to observe who was actually recognising me versus who just enjoyed my attention as a projector.
I also learnt how to rest. When so much of your time is spent initiating new directions, it was a relief to sit back and wait for the formal invitation. It created immense amounts of energetic and physical space in my life to relax and cultivate patience.
But this strategy over time had its drawbacks. When the mind has already decided what an invitation must look like, a set of checkboxes that must be fulfilled “or else it isn’t correct”, it can result in missing what is obviously right in front of you. I’ve hid my face, bit my tongue, isolated myself, because of needing to “wait for the invitation”, even when I had a clear response in my body to move forward. When the pendulum swung too far, this approach no longer worked for me.
The “Energetic” Invitation
This is where the invitation, in my experience, becomes subtle and energetic. Recognition can be an intangible thing, felt within the body, something which lights up your cells and speaks to the core of who you are. No one can really describe that feeling except for yourself because it’s a physical sensation. It can’t be learnt through a textbook or via other people’s opinions.
The energetic invitation is when life becomes a dance. You begin to become attuned to energy of an invitation over the mind’s interpretation of it.
I find that in many of my relationships, recognition and invitations happen organically without any mental interference, without any explicit verbalisation of “being invited”. I simply show up and live my life, without any expectation or agenda of what could happen.
When I am in an active state of waiting, meaning I am following what I am drawn to and what the body moves towards, invitations are always there. But I have had to show up a little; I’ve had to leave the house and my comfort zone. For me, I know there is an element of needing to be seen, especially when my default is to hide.
Also please note, when I describe the “energetic” invitation, it is not a mental concept — it is something felt within the body. It’s not, “I think this person recognises me and is inviting me” — it’s likely something you cannot even mentally put words to. So the energetic invitation is not an excuse to act on the mind’s impulses and desires (although if you want to test that theory out - please do). The energetic invitation is the sensitivity to aura dynamics and unseen mechanics working underneath it all.
Invitations within Relationship Dynamics
There are two types of invitations:
the big invitations such as entering into a new job, relationship, or moving houses etc.
the smaller invitations that occur on a day-to-day basis — giving advice or guidance, invitations to go to social events, opportunities etc.
In my own experience, once a relationship is established, invitations become more nuanced.
You do not need to wait for the other to start every conversation. Checking in with your friend or lover does not require an invitation because you already have a connection and were invited into this dynamic.
However, when it comes to offering your advice, guidance, or insight, particularly in a 1:1 setting, it has worked in my experience to wait for an invitation from the other to share. This is not meant to disempower Projectors from every speaking up — it is meant to preserve your energy, when the timing and setting is not conducive to sharing what you see. The timing will always arrive, when it’s with the right person who recognises you.
To share uninvited advice with a Generator or MG, for example, can feel like meeting a forcefield: you throw something out there and it bounces straight back onto you. Their sacral wasn’t open to hearing your perspective in that particular moment. They may completely ignore it or even take offence to your advice, even if it came from good intentions.
A real skill is to become sensitized to the opening and closing of the sacral aura. They might not always say “hey, please tell me what you see and what I should do”, although it is easiest when explicitly stated. Often, The conversation may naturally lead there on it’s own, an opening, where they may ask “so, what do you think?” This is your opportunity to share.
But all this to say — this is where your experiment comes in. Some contemplations to sit with or journal about:
What happens when you share what you see with others?
When has it worked? When has it not worked?
What does it feel like when someone genuinely receives your insights? What does success feel like in your body?
What does it feel like when someone rejects your insights? What does bitterness feel like in your body?
Do the people around me ever ask me to share what I see? Or do they always just want me to listen?
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What about when it comes to coffee dates, events, parties, travel, and other opportunities? Should the Projector always wait for the invitation, or can they initiate first and get the ball rolling.
This is an interesting conversation and I don’t have a concrete answer. When it comes to strangers and people I don’t know, I tend to wait for the invitation. HOWEVER — I sometimes find myself in a situation where I feel the pull to ask or invite someone first, a feeling that originates in the body not the mind, and who is to say that is not correct? The other might actually be another Projector or Reflector and you had no idea why you felt that pull. The body spontaneously moves and the mind only comes in later to decide whether something is “correct” or “incorrect”.
I find that in my Generator/MG relationships (and Manifestors!), they will often invite me into activities of “doing” first. Sometimes, however, I might come across an event and I might throw it out there for them to respond to. And of course, as a Projector, you can do or go anywhere you want that feels correct for you. Again, it comes down to the body moves, or it doesn’t.
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When it comes to jobs and moving houses, invitations are a useful guide. But are also confusing as hell.
For a long time, I thought that as a Projector who needs to be invited, I can never apply to a job again. I no longer see this as a hard and fast rule. I think this comes down to individual discernment and being radically honest with yourself when applying for a job.
When applying for said job, do you feel like:
you are having to sell yourself, prove why you are worthy of this job in a way that feels inauthentic?
is a very physically-oriented role that has little room for rest or breaks?
deep down, you know it’s not quite right but you ignore your authority because it can’t be “that bad”?
it feels forceful, and like you’re pushing to make this job happen, and it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth?
are you genuinely recognised for this role by the interviewer or person who is hiring you? or are you just seen for your ability to work hard for them?
There are no right and wrong answers. I think the main thing to come back to is to notice where you feel like you are pushing the river vs letting something come to you. Someone might reach out to you, recognise you, and ask if you would like to apply for a position — that is an invitation! You might be at a party and talking to someone and they mention they have a position you might be interested in — that is an invitation! You are working on a personal project and you reach out to someone for something totally unrelated and they love your project so much they offer you a job (this is what happened to me) — BOOM, you have an invitation.
When it comes to moving houses, if you are moving in with someone else, an invitation is likely going to work best. But if you need to move PRONTO out of a living situation, well, your safety and emotional/mental health comes first. The most tangible parameter I haver found to work for me, as already mentioned, is to assess whether something is happening with relative ease and flow, or whether you are encountering a lot of resistance.
Some thoughts when it comes to relocating:
is the timing correct for you to move?
is the mind trying to push and initiate because it feels under pressure to make something happen right now?
are there any current leads with people or places that feel like have happened organically?
“Projectors need to be Visible”
A lot of more new-age takes on Human Design will say that Projectors need to be visible, to let the world know of their “gifts” so they can be recognised and invited.
More hardcore Human Design circles will say that this is a mental strategy, which is still a form of initiation.
Personally, I think it falls somewhere in between. Yes, if your only intention for “putting yourself out there” is because you want to receive invitations, it can be the mind subtly taking control.
However, I do think people need to know you exist. Generators/MGs need something to respond to. Manifestors and Reflectors want to see who you are. If I waited for the invitation to put anything out there, I wouldn’t be here writing this article. But I am not doing it because I need others to recognise me for it. I’m writing this because I enjoy writing, and this seems to be what I’m spontaneously drawn to right now.
You aura does the talking. Being visible doesn’t have to be a mental strategy. Being visible does not mean you have to put on a mask or try hard to attract attention. Being visible to me is a form of self-empowerment, which cultivates self-confidence. As someone who is more on the avoidance/socially anxious side of the spectrum, visibility is healing for me. For someone else who is always trying to be visible, perhaps pulling back is the healing balm. This comes down to awareness of your own habits and tendencies — often, we find medicine in the opposite.
So, in my opinion, there is some truth in the new-age take on this. Being visible, in whatever shape that looks like for you — i.e., it doesn’t have to be on social media, it might just mean being visible at the local coffee shop — is where invitations naturally arise from. But not because you’re seeking them — because you’re being yourself out in the world. And people are naturally drawn to that.
In sum: When do I need an Invitation?
Unfortunately, I can’t give you a straight answer as you may have gathered from this long article. The truth is you’re going to have to find out and verify for yourself when you need an invitation. That means going through the messy process of experimentation and self-observation.
In my own experience, the most obvious and tangible place where I need to be invited is sharing guidance with others. This is where I have noticed myself getting into the most trouble in my relationships and meeting the most resistance – sharing uninvited opinions.
I have also found I need invitations to move environments — the last three places I’ve lived, including where I am now, have come through directly explicit invitations. And they have all happened with almost no resistance, proving to me it works.
When it comes to relationships, often the other person makes the first move. But within an established bond there is more nuance, whilst still respecting the mechanics. When it comes to other Projectors and Reflectors, it’s more a mutual dance of inviting and recognising each other.
To be honest, I am still figuring out the invitation when it comes to work. I have been invited into various opportunities and gigs over the last few years, usually with long gaps in between. None of it has been a traditional “job” though, so I can’t verify from own experience what that would look like (although I know other Projectors who have been formally invited into traditional office jobs, so it’s definitely possible).
I think the most important thing to come back to is whether something feels like you’re forcing it, or if it feels like there is ease and a lack of resistance. I don’t get it right all the time, but I have become a lot more sensitive to when it’s my mind pushing, vs when it’s the mind’s interpretation of an invitation getting in the way of a real invitation.
Ultimately, the invitation is not meant to be disempowering. As a Projector, you still have to live your life; you still have to be an active participant in your life. It is through engaging with life, experimenting and observing what happens with curiosity, do you begin to gather evidence of how the invitation works for you.